Not OSHA certified
Swamp Fest, Nelly is PRO(!!!), Matheus Mendes is one talented child, Jagger Eaton innovates in the field of mandatory brand placements, and more.
The definitive weekly ranking and analysis of all the skateboarding and other things online that I cannot stop consuming and how it makes me feel, personally.
Nelly, PRO!
Rank: 1!
Mood: 🧑🦰
At a time when it feels like good things no longer happen with any regularity, and that dearth is creeping into an ever-widening gulf, we should take a moment to savour the good things that do. If you're looking for something to buoy your spirits, Limosine Skateboards turned Nelly Morville PRO last Friday.
Sure, this is old news by now, but it's worth returning to. Morville, as a skateboarder, offers us as an audience everything we could ask for: She's exciting, both willing to throw herself off and down any variety of obstacles and eat shit in spectacular fashion, as well as surprise us with a fun, constantly expanding arsenal of tricks.
Nelly Morville in Limosine's Paymaster and 8
Morville also feels like the rare PRO in the modern professional skateboarding landscape who stands out as a personality in addition to their talent. You see Morville's debut board graphic, and it is unmistakably her, even in pastel profile. It's also a nice touch that the Limo gang appear to have taken Morville to the spot depicted in said graphic for her PRO AF surprise.
That's the key ingredient in what makes professional skateboarding work: it gives us, the audience and purchasing public, something to care about. If a brand cares enough to foster a skateboarder and present them in an interesting, authentic light, we can see and sense that, too. When that skateboarder fulfills their potential and gets the PRO nod, it's the culmination of years' worth of shared interest and becomes a communal event. Then, as is the raw capitalist intent of professional skateboarding, we're hopefully driven to purchase a Nelly Morville skateboard.
But it also just feels good to care about something worthwhile, which in this instance, is good people doing good skateboarding.
Low-profile prodigy
Rank: 1
Mood: 💪👶💪
At first click, I assumed 15-year-old Matheus Mendes' Bem-vindo à Converse Cons video part would be much the same as most young, up-and-coming talents' at that young age: flashes of brilliance cut with the stylistic and imaginative limitations of the still-developing body and mind. That's because I had never heard of Matheus Mendes before that moment. Perhaps a clip slipped into an edit or across my timeline, but I couldn't place him.
This is my fault. I should have known. Some 117k followers on Instagram were already aware of the Rio de Janeiro phenomenon. Now I am, too, and my simple biases fall flat. Mendes has a degree of confidence and control on and over his skateboard that can only be described as complete. He's technical and fearless on obstacles of all sizes. While slight of frame, and that frame still growing, it would be wrong to slam Mendes with the charge of Little Kid Style, something other wünderkind like Battle of The Champions... champion, Ginwoo Onodera, cannot contest. Mendes is smooth in a way that belies his scant few years of existence.
Both fractured and oversaturated, contemporary skateboarding media is hard to keep track of, which I'll blame for my ignorance regarding this upstart. In a way, and especially in an age where the baseline skill-level of most aspiring professional skateboarders is so high, it makes Mendes' effort all the more impressive — if people happen to watch it, that is.
Not OSHA certified
Rank: ...3?
Mood: 🐊
Whether it's age, an evolution in taste and preferred level of comfort, or the overwhelming desire not to get sepsis or be eaten by an alligator, I can say with some confidence that I would not enjoy Swamp Fest. That's fine.
However, I can appreciate that a weekend of damp action sports-themed chaos has a certain appeal. To be amongst the twisting throngs of people whose only desire is to do or witness stunning feats of multi-wheeled sadism on shoddily constructed so-called ramps — or get fucked up in the process — makes sense. What are we if not creatures who revel in building altars to sacrifice ourselves on. In the case of Swamp Fest 2025, that altar was a big ol' wooden truck.
Stray thoughts and takeaways: Was anyone building these big, dumb, beautiful ramps OSHA certified? I wonder if companies like Monster Energy, which kicked the Swamp Fest crew some sponsorship money, made them sign some sort of comprehensive liability waiver that excuses them from legal recrimination should someone get impaled on a pole jam or whatever. Also, Tom Schaar is one of the best skateboarders on this slowly deflating planet.
But, most importantly, it seems like the people who went had a good time. If you want to launch yourself into a mudpit as your open wounds earned from the nails sticking out of a plywood jump ramp absorb that filthy swamp water, as long as the only person you're hurting is yourself, well, godspeed, brothers and sisters.
Innovations in the field of mandatory brand placements
Rank: 2
Mood: 🐂
Hey, I know what you're thinking: "You're really gonna write about Jagger Eaton? Jagger Eaton, the two-time Olympic medalist and Heart Supply Board Co. (?) PRO rider of top-5 worst mullet fame, the guy that makes me feel slightly embarrassed about my love of shouting let's fucking go, and who you may have seen earnestly share Tucker Carlson clips in his Instagram Stories? That Jagger Eaton?"
You're damn right I am. Because Eaton has done something rather astounding. Besides having an incredibly high-level bag of tricks from which he selects with a surprising amount of taste, as displayed in his recent A Body of Work video part, he has also innovated the game of professional skateboarding in a completely unexpected way.
Eaton, another of today's top professionals who retain energy drink sponsors, is almost always clad in a Red Bull-branded cap or toque. For many of this ilk, they are rarely, if ever, seen without it. They put pen to paper on their contract and the cap is sewn to their skulls. In recent years, some skaters have found ways to minimize the egregious, ever-present logo that mars many of your faves by sticking a small but noticeable logo patch to their pants or shirt shoulder. Eaton, however, has taken a bold new approach to this mandatory branding exercise:
Look at that. Attaching the Red Bull hat that should be on your head to the belt loop of your pants is something else. It's both an acknowledgment of the hat as a burden and a show of submission to its yoke, which cannot be cast off in its entirety at the risk of consequences seen, unseen, and presumed.
What's next, stuffing a Red Bull toque in your inside jacket pocket so it's just visible while said jacket flaps open as you soar down some infernal stack? An Instagram filter that changes your face into the Monster logo? Using 5-Hour Energy as smelling salts after getting KO'd while attempting a sextuple kink? The possibilities for innovation are endless.
What can a person do?
Rank: N/A
Mood: 🗳️
That, at least for me, is the prevailing question of now. What can a person reasonably do to push back against the rising tide of outright fascism and a decaying political system co-opted by monied-up ideological interests and carelessly controlled by the buffoons on their leashes?
I'm still not sure I have a good answer beyond doing anything you can, really. For me, it feels better than nothing to write my little blogs and share thoughts and the relevant work of others. But there are more tangible things, like supporting progressive candidates in local elections, ones who understand the stakes. Whether they're running for city council in Vancouver, a congressional primary challenge in Illinois, or mayor of New York City, democracy is still around in some form, at least for now.
Or blowing up a Cybertruck... figuratively, of course.
There are alternatives to hopelessness, even if they're increasingly hard to imagine. But imagination is a start. Trying something is the next step, because we can already see where the path we're on leads.
Some things to consider: ICE is kidnapping people...
Tom Ley
...for writing Op-Eds asking for these horrors to end:
Amel Guettatfi
Good thing(s):
Dave Zirin
Dave McKenna
Another good thing:
Hamilton Nolan
Another combat sports-related thing? Sure: It was always a little embarrassing to be an MMA fan, but man does it ever suck shit now.
Vince Mancini
Until next week… there's nothing like going to a good ol' greasy spoon. If you're lucky, they'll have booths with vinyl seats that are cracked and weathered by generations' worth of butts, a menu that hasn't changed since before you were born, and coffee that'll burn a hole right through you onto that vinyl. These places are in short supply; give them your money while you can.
Laser Quit Smoking Massage
NEWEST PRESS
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My new collection of essays is available now. I think you might like it. The Edmonton Journal thinks it's a "local book set to make a mark in 2024." The CBC called it "quirky yet insightful." lol.
Book cover by Hiller Goodspeed.
Right, Down + Circle
ECW PRESS
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I wrote a book about the history and cultural impact of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater that you can find at your local bookshop or order online now. I think you might like this one, too.
Here’s what Michael Christie, Giller Prize-nominated author of the novels Greenwood and If I Fall, If I Die, had to say about the thing.
“With incisive and heartfelt writing, Cole Nowicki unlocks the source code of the massively influential cultural phenomenon that is Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater, and finds wonderful Easter-eggs of meaning within. Even non-skaters will be wowed by this examination of youth, community, risk, and authenticity and gain a new appreciation of skateboarding’s massive influence upon our larger culture. This is my new favorite book about skateboarding, which isn’t really about skateboarding — it’s about everything.”
Photo via The Palomino.
