Masterful gambit, sir | Simply Ranked
Plus: pick your SOTY, Alexis Ramirez puts up numbers, LFG!!, Tim Pool cuts his losses, and more.
The definitive weekly ranking and analysis of all the skateboarding and other things online that I cannot stop consuming and how it makes me feel, personally.
Who is it? WHO IS IT?
Rank: ?
Mood: 🏆
In 2022, Thrasher announced Tyshawn Jones as the winner of their prestigious and highly-coveted Skater of the Year award on December 8. In 2023, Miles Silvas etched his name into history on December 18. On Thursday, Thrasher allowed us bright, beautiful, and talented plebs the opportunity to vote on who should take it in 2024, and we have five finalists to choose from: Elijah Berle, Didrik Galasso, Jamie Foy, Braden Hoban, and Tiago Lemos.
It's unclear if our vote is actually taken into consideration, but this gesture toward democracy is always a nice touch. And that list feels more or less correct. It could have included a Momiji Nishiya, Antonio Durao, or a Jhancarlos Gonzáles, but we'll still end up in the right vicinity, regardless.
For months, I've been saying the favourite to win is Jamie Foy. He probably still does, but the landscape has shifted. Elijah Berle has had a late surge, dropping a pair of video parts along with appearances in several Thrasher-produced pieces, the most recent of which we'll get to below. That ninth-inning Thrasher love is either portentous or, well, not. We'll see.
This year, Braden Hoban also released a couple of parts, got a signature shoe on Emerica, and won X Games Real Street (controversially), but his Catalyst video part is something else entirely — a stunning display of contemporary stunt-boarding and a cohesive showcase of his skillset, if not his branding.
Tiago Lemos switch-backside-noseblunted the block at Pier 7 four times. I don't think he wins, but I wouldn't be mad about it.
This is what my head tells me. What my heart wants, what the voice careening around its chambers cries for, is perhaps the least likeliest name on the list of finalists. But the resume is there. Four full video parts. A guest trick in Dime's Glory that could've closed the show. Wild skateboarding on untouched spots. A determination that borders on mania. Thrasher, don't make the man rub brick another ancient duodecuple hubba ledge.
Putting up numbers
Rank: 1!
Mood: 🧮
Besides the SOTY guessing games, the question at the top of everyone's minds is clearly, how does he do it? No, not Nikola Jokić scoring 104 points in about 24 hours over the weekend, but close. What we all want to know is how SK8MAFIA stalwart Alexis Ramirez puts out so much good footage. Just over a week after closing out the SK8MAFIA PROMO 2024, Thrasher uploaded Ramirez's SK8 Mafia [sic] Part 2024.
While getting to the heart of the Mafia's magic in last week's Friday Post — which went live at the same time as Ramirez's latest section — Zach Harris painted the picture thusly.
Finally, like everything the Mafia does lately, and rightfully so, the latest video is mostly a vehicle to spotlight Alexis Ramirez. Alexis is the best. He can do all the tricks. Tech shit, big shit, big tech shit, dork shit, switch shit. He’s got great trick selection and it’s all executed with the same sublime permastoned nonchalance the Mafia is famous for. He has so much footage. Give him SOTY and send him to Street League. Alexis is your favorite skater’s favorite skater just like SK8MAFIA is your favorite skater’s favorite brand.
That was written before Ramirez dropped a crate of NBDs and OMGs upon us from on high. A prophecy (once more) fulfilled. But, really, we should've expected this. All Ramirez does is produce. In January of 2023, I wrote this following the release of his ALEXIS RAMIREZ SK8MAFIA PART o1-01-23
Over the last six or so years, one of the most consistent and constantly improving presences in the Sk8Mafia orbit has been Alexis Ramirez. Over that time, he’s put out upwards of ten full video parts across his sponsors amid countless appearances in tour and homie videos. It seems criminal, or at least a bylaw infraction, that Ramirez is as underrated as he is, given all of the evidence he’s given us that he should be anything but. And in his most recent offering released on new year’s day—which seems to be a footage dump of his DC-clad clips given his recent departure from the shoe company—he shows us how good he is and the potential he holds.
Ramirez has kept up that pace and then some. And more impressively, he's doing it without, it appears, much in the way of significant financial backing from deep-pocketed sponsors. Does he "ride" for Nike in a "get money" way or just a "get product" way? He's not on the team page, so I imagine the boxes are full of suede, not green. Hopefully that changes soon.
Another question: Could The Joker put up Ramirez-type numbers on a Ramirez-type budget? Seems unlikely. Another reason why the best is Alexis.
LFG
Rank: 1!!!
Mood: 🗣️🗣️🗣️
There's something that I need to admit. I'm not particularly proud of this, but I'm not sure it brings me shame, either. At least not anymore. For years, it had caused a physical reaction close to revulsion. Every time an athlete celebrated a big play, some celebrity tried to put on airs of passion, or a drunk and happy Bro would let their lust for life be known, they would all exclaim the same thing: Let's go. Let's gooooo. The phrase as natural and necessary as punctuation. Let's fucking go.
It's a near surety that your favourite professional skateboarders have yelled it while stripping their tops off after riding away from some hairball maneuver. The phrase went from a hot new thing to say to a joke and is now firmly entrenched as part of our common language. Last year, Luke Winkie at Slate wrote about the evolution of the linguistic phenomenon as it flourished instead of plummeting toward what could've been the usual memetic death due to oversaturation.
Clearly Let’s go has become a hinge point for the male vocabulary, a shortcut for all intragender communication. The term is utilitarian, flexible, and fundamentally meaningless; it’s another way to say, “Yes, a thing exists.”
While it once produced a sense of unease in me to hear the corny phrase ring out at the skatepark or read it on the lips of someone who just delivered a dunk or KO on TV, over the last few months, I've evolved, too. Perhaps devolved, it's unclear. Whoever I've become, that person will now regularly let loose a hardy let's go. I've couched it in irony for my own protection, but I absolutely mean it. To me, it feels most potent to yell into my apartment as I rise from a nap — let's fucking go, bro! The room reverberates with my call to action. And so I do. I fucking go. To the computer and back to work.
So what changed? In Slate, Winkie talked to Don Caldwell of KnowYourMeme, who I think offers an accurate diagnosis.
“It has a slightly cringe quality to it,” said Don Caldwell, editor in chief of the invaluable resource KnowYourMeme, when I asked him why he thinks Let’s go has become so inescapable. “There’s a little bit of irony going on there. It’s a stereotypical bro term, which I think is the point. That’s why it’s used both earnestly and ironically.”
It's true. When I say let's go, it's both in jest and earnest. There's a strange safety in that. It's a stirring combination. That quick one-two of words holds power. Yes, I will go. I will fucking go. And I hope you will, too.
Hey, this is nice
Rank: 1
Mood: 🫂
There aren't many "feel good" moments going around lately, so we should revel in them when they do. For Thrasher to use their underrated "VS" interview series to plop down former feuders Austyn Gillette and Elijah Berle isn't just savvy skate media content, as the duo's online skirmish was big news in its day, but a genuinely enjoyable watch. They have a fun rapport. Austyn might have even started two to three more feuds over the course of that video (Austyn: "You spend time with him [Hosoi]? He's a little intense."), which should set up another nice beef-squashing "VS" episode in the future.
Masterful gambit, sir
Rank: 950,000
Mood: 🤔
A couple of summers back, Tim Pool, the career bigot and popular podcasting dipshit, tried to insert himself into the Martinsburg, West Virginia skateboarding scene. First, by offering unsolicited cash prizes to a contest at a local DIY park, then, once his advances were rejected because the community didn't want to associate with such a vile person, he bought the land the DIY sat on, which I wrote about at the time.
In the weeks after Pool's offer was spurned, the plot of land the DIY stands on, whose owner the locals were in communication with and "had permission to continue to use... for skating and minor obstacle development," was purchased by Will of The People Production LLC for $850,000. Who's behind Will of The People Production LLC? Tim Pool. A revelation that "devastated the Martinsburg skate scene."
In the months that followed the revelation of Pool's purchase in July, whatever his plans were — his usual trolling or a legitimate and hilariously misguided attempt to appeal to local skateboarders — it's fair to say they backfired. While he certainly drew attention to himself, which is the core of his business model, the backlash in and out of skateboarding was swift, cutting, and painted a clear picture: Pool is a rich, uninformed interloper, a grifter, and, moreover, a complete kook.
Since then, things haven't been going great for Pool. He was found to be an "unwitting" asset in a high-profile foreign influence campaign and claimed to be stepping back from some of his content creation responsibilities to spend more time with his "family," saying that he's grown tired of the hate he receives online — not acknowledging that his entire media operation is in service of spreading hate in hopes that his culture war bullshit will get his fanbase riled up enough to give him their money.
Pool must really need the money, as it appears he's already selling the land that the Martinsburg DIY sits on at a 100k premium after owning it for barely over a year.
That listing went up on December 7. After some digging, I found that on December 3, another Martinsburg property Pool owns, one he claimed to want to build a "coffee shop, a club, and a skate shop" in, also went up for sale. Is Pool in a money crunch? Leaving town? Packing up and calling it a career?
I wouldn't pin my hopes on it. But, whenever the day comes, good riddance.
Unrelated (but also... maybe not?), ShreddER News, skateboarding's mutant TMZ clone that is excruciatingly obsequious toward Pool to a degree that would be suspicious if it weren't so embarrassing, posted on Instagram for the first time in months on Monday.
Curiously, its account and website stopped posting the week the Tenet Media scandal broke, lending some semblance of credence to the idea that there's an affiliation between the account and Pool. But that story also came on the heels of ShreddER posting dozens of times about Chris Cole's domestic assault allegations (most of which ShreddER has since deleted), which one could assume led to some legal warning given their pathetic mea culpa on Instagram and update to their absolutely bizarre and expansive disclaimer page:
FREEDOM OF PRESS:
ShreddER is dedicated to upholding the principles of freedom of the press by delivering news with accuracy and fairness. Our content is based on thorough research and credible sources. The views and opinions expressed in our articles are those of the individual authors and may not necessarily reflect the official stance of ShreddER. In our reporting, we use terms such as "allegedly," "claims," and "allegations" to indicate that certain statements or accusations are subject to verification. We strive to provide context and include relevant sources to support the information presented. If updates or corrections to these reports are necessary, we are committed to making those changes promptly. We encourage readers to verify information through multiple sources and appreciate the provision of any additional evidence or documentation that could enhance the accuracy of our reporting. Our role as a news media company is to present balanced coverage based on available evidence and to correct any inaccuracies as they arise. We value transparency and cooperation in ensuring our reporting remains fair and precise.
Whatever the case, ShreddER is back, baby, and they put out a call for a managing editor.
And they say the media industry is dying.
Something to consider:
Good thing: Over at Skate Bylines, Farran Golding dropped the first episode of his podcast, which features a conversation with Ian Browning about his excellent piece about L.E.S. Skatepark for Quartersnacks.
Another good thing:
The Editors
Another! Good! Thing!
Maxwell Neely-Cohen
Holy cow, another good thing:
Josh Sabini
A year-end thing: You've got until 3pm EST to tell Quartersnacks what your favourite videos and video parts were in 2024.
Snack
Blog thing: I blogged about the premiere of Antisocial Summer for Thrasher.
Rest in Peace: Judy McLaren, a beloved figure in Vancouver's skateboarding scene, passed away last week following her battle with cancer. The GoFundMe whose donations went toward her treatment has been kept open for those wanting to support her family during this time.
Until next week… as it gets colder, we need to get closer.
Laser Quit Smoking Massage
NEWEST PRESS
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My new collection of essays is available now. I think you might like it. The Edmonton Journal thinks it's a "local book set to make a mark in 2024." The CBC called it "quirky yet insightful." lol.
Book cover by Hiller Goodspeed.
Right, Down + Circle
ECW PRESS
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I wrote a book about the history and cultural impact of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater that you can find at your local bookshop or order online now. I think you might like this one, too.
Here’s what Michael Christie, Giller Prize-nominated author of the novels Greenwood and If I Fall, If I Die, had to say about the thing.
“With incisive and heartfelt writing, Cole Nowicki unlocks the source code of the massively influential cultural phenomenon that is Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater, and finds wonderful Easter-eggs of meaning within. Even non-skaters will be wowed by this examination of youth, community, risk, and authenticity and gain a new appreciation of skateboarding’s massive influence upon our larger culture. This is my new favorite book about skateboarding, which isn’t really about skateboarding — it’s about everything.”
Photo via The Palomino.
