Backside brigadier | Simply Ranked

The definitive weekly ranking and analysis of all the skateboarding and other things online that I cannot stop consuming and how it makes me feel, personally.

Paris 2024 Olympic skateboarding recap: part 3

Rank: 🥇
Mood: 🇦🇺

Wow, the Summer Olympics are almost over. It feels like only yesterday when a faux-moral panic was inflamed because a bunch of attention-hungry dorks don't know their Greek gods, or when a German surfer showed the whole world his entire ass, or when a Cuban Greco-Roman wrestler won gold for the fifth time in five consecutive Olympics.

In the midst of all that, some skateboarding happened. Last week saw the women's and men's skateboard street events, and this week, the women's and men's skateboard park took place. It was, and please forgive me, a high-flying affair with no shortage of action and drama. Was it in line with what I predicted in the official Simple Magic Paris 2024 Olympic skateboarding primer? Eh, more or less. Continue reading to get granular.

Women's skateboard park: RESULTS

Kokona Hiraki came into Paris ranked number one in the world and looked set to deliver on that promise after her first run in the women's skateboard park finals vaulted her into first place. Hiraki's mix of big airs, technical lip tricks (including frontside-nosegrinds and backside-overcrooks around corners and on massive extensions), and smooth, assured style was a pleasure to watch. She appears to see 3 to 4 tricks ahead as she lands high up in the transitions, already prepared for what's next.

However, it wouldn't be enough. 14-year-old Arisa Trew, building off an excellent second run that saw her land in podium contention, wouldn't just improve on her third attempt but blow it out of the water. She'd add a sensational 540-body-varial and cap it off with a truly shocking frontside-noseblunt-180-pull-in on the set-back extension on her way to gold.

Divisional star Sky Brown put together two fast, solid, but identical runs to lock in a bronze medal. The broadcast would note that Brown had apparently dislocated her shoulder in the days before flying to Paris. If that's the case, this was quite the showing. This was also Hiraki and Brown's second consecutive silver and bronze medal-winning performances, respectively, as the two repeated their finishes from the Tokyo 2020 Games.

Off the podium, 13-year-old Finnish athlete Heili Sirvio boosted 540s at a height no child should reach. She would finish 5th. American Bryce Wettstein would follow, putting on an admirable display of her creative bag of tricks. This is about to come dangerously close to a "you would've won if you hadn't lost" level of analysis, but if Hinano Kusaki, who qualified 3rd in the prelims, could have put together a complete run, the podium might look a lot different. She kicked things off with a simply nuts 360-saran-wrap over the tabletop and lofty kickflip-grabs and a variety of spins throughout, but just couldn't keep it together until the buzzer. I look forward to seeing more from her.

Overall, the women's park finals were a fantastic showcase, full of high-level performances, some mild upsets, and a star-making performance from Trew. That unpredictability is what makes it so fun to watch — unless someone was able to predict it...

Women's skateboard park: PREDICTIONS RESULTS

Here's what I thought the podium would look like in the Paris 2024 Olympic skateboarding primer.

Sky Brown spoiled the party, but Wettstein still showed out. I'll get over it.

There were several Hiraki backside-overcrooks, just not on the tabletop rail.

Not true. Trew would only manage 11th in the prelims.

It turned out it wasn't likely. Lilley landed in 13th.

Final thought: As skateboarding has become institutionalized and a thing to be trained for with an Olympic seriousness, I noticed myself docking marks from the mostly very young athletes competing who did not spin 540s in the large concrete bowl. What a thing to be critical of. But when you see a 13-year-old spin one into the heavens, it just feels natural to expect everyone else to. Weird.

Paris 2024 Olympic skateboarding recap: part 4

Rank: 🥇
Mood: 🇦🇺

Men's skateboard park: RESULTS

The men's skateboard park final didn't get off to a promising start. The first six of eight finalists fell on their first of three runs. Just as things were feeling a bit ominous, Schaar put down a fantastic "full pull," netting himself a score of 90.11. Immediately after, defending Olympic skateboard park champion Keegan Palmer would get away with a 93.11 scoring run, and in the end, that's all it would take as Palmer would bail on his following two runs but take gold on the strength of his first.

Schaar made another valiant effort in his second go, soaring higher and spinning more often, to up his score to 92.23 and seal a silver. I thought it should've scored better, but alas, I am not a judge. Augusto Akio, who brought his juggling clubs to Paris, found his way into the bronze medal position with a run that was tight and technical but not as dynamic or impressive as his countryman, Pedros Barros, who was legitimately frightening to watch as he launched himself higher and further and with less regard for his personal health and safety than the rest of the field. Akio would reach the podium with a 91.85, Barros would miss it with a 91.65.

The top-ranked men's park skater heading into Paris was Tate Carew, who I snidely called "Tate Ca-Who?" in the official Simple Magic Paris 2024 Olympic skateboarding primer. Carew did not live up to expectations, finishing in 5th, but I am now familiar with his game, as he not only had some of the most stylish airs of the day but consistently switched up his runs and pushed his slides and grinds further than most (his backside-bluntside around the corner pocket was particularly impressive). At 19 years old, he's still got time.

Despite some early falls and Palmer wrapping up the win in the first round, the men's park final was exciting as all hell. At its best, if this is what the Olympics can offer skateboarding, I'll take it. Just don't think about anything else that comes with it.

Men's skateboard park: PREDICTIONS RESULTS

I got a couple of names right but in the wrong order. Bottger, who came into Paris ranked 3rd overall, didn't make it out of the prelims, finishing in 10th. Clearly, I shouldn't have slept on Palmer. Going forward, I will probably make the same mistake again, if I'm being honest.

Sometimes you've just gotta say whatever bullshit comes to mind.

Andrew Macdonald finished 18th in the prelims, which is pretty damn good for a fella in his 50s.

None of this happened! Both Matheron and Woolley struggled in the prelims. That's why these were wildcards. Don't judge me.

Final thought: The camaraderie on display among the final's competitors was really quite sweet to see, and they appeared genuinely excited about each other's successes. Also, an interesting stat: only Japanese and Australian skateboarders have won gold medals across two Olympic appearances for the sport. The Aussies took both of the park events and Team Japan clinched both of the street in Paris. In Tokyo, Japanese skaters would win three out of four events, with only defending champ Keegan Palmer breaking through for Australia.

Alright, with that, the ceaseless Olympic skateboarding coverage in Simple Magic comes to an end. Thank you for enduring, enjoying, or ignoring it.

If one must collab: part 4(?)

Rank: 4?
Mood: 👍👎

YES! Yes. Oooooh, yes. This is it. THE COLLAB! — done right. In this very newsletter, I've spent an inordinate amount of words shitting on brand collabs. The TL;DR of it is that they're often lazy excuses to leverage the awareness and fandom of two separate brands to bring attention to a single underwhelming product beleaguered by multiple logos.

But — BUT! I must always point out when a brand collab is done well. It would not be fair if I didn't. The Nike SB x There Skateboards Dunk looks cool, and the There squad put out a legitimately awesome video to promote it. Good Chandler Burton clips? Yep. Awesome Poe Pinson footage? YOU GODDAMN BET.

Will I buy these shoes? NO! Dunks don't do it for me, but I love that this is happening. Anything that will give us more Chandler and Poe, LFG! It shows that collabs, if executed with care, can be more than hollow attempts at drumming up hype for low-effort products —

N000000000000000000

Did you know?

Rank: ...
Mood: 😒

Did you know that Bob Burnquist has an HBO documentary series about his life and career set to air on Max Brasil next week? Burnquist is one of skateboarding's greats, but he still seems to be on the periphery of the pantheon of said greats, so it's heartening to see him get attention on this level.

Did you know that Burnquist is still really into NFTs? Big time. It's almost all he posts about on social media, even though it's been nearly two years since the initial NFT boom and bust. Remember when he went and shilled them to the mayor of Sao Paulo?

Did you know that Dave Bachinsky is also really into NFTs?

In the video above, he appears to frame his recent "Changing Tides" NFT collection as the next stage of his professional life. It's fair to say that I'm beyond critical of NFTs. As we know them, they're just another Web 3, Crypto-adjacent scam. I can understand their appeal on a base level — they're billed as a potential money-generating venture for artists that, at least on the surface, celebrates creativity with a future-minded financial component. But, c'mon, I thought we moved past this already.

NFTs are the desperate commodification of "art" under the guise of entrepreneurship. There's no tangible purpose to them beyond hawking them. What do you do with your newly purchased NFT? Put it in a folder in your "Photos" app? How do you collect something as impertinent as a digital file? Most of these projects now have to offer some physical incentive to get people interested. For Bachinsky, it's the chance to win a custom board or a paddle made from Manny Santiago's broken boards. Cool.

If Bachinsky and Burnquist actually make money off this, well, good for them, I guess. They do seem to be genuinely passionate about NFTs, for whatever that's worth. However, it's unclear whether they're genuinely passionate about creating "art" or just about other people's money. One thing this does highlight is that cashing in on your notoriety as a professional skateboarder once your career has wound down is not easy.

The Berrics, back?

Rank: eh
Mood: 😒

On Wednesday, the Berrics uploaded their first new video feature in the months since tearing down their park (not including their takeover of King/Queen of MACBA). In it, Eric Koston gives us a tour of the Olympic Museum in Lausanne, Switzerland.

In classic Berrics fashion, it is a mildly offputting overly-polished piece. Inspirational stock music blares as Koston takes us through the museum, touching on various displays celebrating Olympic history, while archival footage cuts in and out. There are a few nice moments where Koston opines about skateboarding's place in the Olympics and that cultural import, as boards from Rayssa Leal, Yuto Horigome, and Nyjah Huston are shown encased in glass.

That said, the video's driving narrative is muddled, leaving one wondering why it's ten minutes long. Its title, "Eric Koston, The Olympic Museum and Rayssa, Nyjah & Yuto's board [sic]," is an awkward, typo-laden SEO play that reveals nothing about the intent of the piece either, if there is one.

I realize it's contradictory to call something overly polished and slapdash, but while it's visually tight, the feature is also directionless. If Koston is supposed to play the humble skater wowed at skateboarding's inclusion in these hallowed halls, it doesn't come off as such.

Am I just being a hater? Perhaps. I'm trying not to be, but it also raises the question of why this is what the Berrics released after months of silence. Is it purely to capitalize on the Olympic moment? Is it an offcut or supplement to the Berrics-produced series for the Olympic channel called... Skate-hers?

Why give us this before proof-of-life that the Berrics, the physical skate park and content mill, beloved and derided for over fifteen years, still exists? Whatever the case, if this is the Berrics' comeback, it's almost like it never left.

Something to consider: On Monday, I wrote about the domestic violence allegations against Chris Cole and how the skate industry and media are ill-equipped to handle such stories.

Here we are, where we have always been

Chris Cole and skateboarding’s foundational inability to hold itself — and its heroes — to account.

Simple MagicCole Nowicki

Beyond the need for stronger media accountability, there's work to do on the ground. Women and non-traditional skater-led grassroots efforts like Consent is Rad share educational resources for those looking to help foster healthier, safer skateboarding communities. You can also find them on Instagram.

Good thing: The first issue of Sam Korman's new magazine, Plank, launches September 6! Very excited about this.

Another good thing: Zach Harris profiled Jimmy Wilkins for Rolling Stone.

Olympics or Not, Jimmy Wilkins Is Reaching New Heights

Once a pop-culture hallmark of skateboarding, vert ramps — and thus vert skaters — have gone underground, transforming the sport in the process

Rolling StoneZach Harris

Yessir, another good thing: I was fortunate enough to catch Matt Price's talk "That's The One" at this year's Slow Impact and it was an incredible treat.

I swear, one last good thing:

Is It Ethical To Be A Billionaire In Neopets? | Defector

Many Neo-billionaires earned their riches by playing the game for two uninterrupted decades, and they offer advice on Reddit that is less helpful than it is demoralizing: Grind every day. Buy low and sell high. Never stop working. Always play Food Club.

Defector homeSabrina Imbler

A budding feud thing: Gifted Hater, once again, punching down on Tim Pool.

One last Olympic thing: A bunch of 'sletter friends are quoted in this INC. piece about the business of Olympic skateboarding.

A slop thing:

Where Facebook’s AI Slop Comes From

Facebook itself is paying creators in India, Vietnam, and the Philippines for bizarre AI spam that they are learning to make from YouTube influencers and guides sold on Telegram.

404 MediaJason Koebler

Until next week… if you're sitting on your favourite park bench overlooking a pond that has been dubbed a lake, and you overhear the people on the neighbouring bench vigorously confirm and go into detail when asked of one another, "If we were both single, would we date?" Please do your best not to look in their direction or raise your eyebrows. This is none of your business, even if you are now, unfortunately, complicit.

Laser Quit Smoking Massage

NEWEST PRESS, available April 1, 2024

--------------------------------

My new collection of essays is available now. I think you might like it. The Edmonton Journal thinks it's a "local book set to make a mark in 2024." The CBC called it "quirky yet insightful." lol.

Book cover by Hiller Goodspeed.

Order the thing

Right, Down + Circle

ECW PRESS

--------------------------------

I wrote a book about the history and cultural impact of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater that you can find at your local bookshop or order online now. I think you might like this one, too.

Here’s what Michael Christie, Giller Prize-nominated author of the novels Greenwood and If I Fall, If I Die, had to say about the thing.

“With incisive and heartfelt writing, Cole Nowicki unlocks the source code of the massively influential cultural phenomenon that is Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater, and finds wonderful Easter-eggs of meaning within. Even non-skaters will be wowed by this examination of youth, community, risk, and authenticity and gain a new appreciation of skateboarding’s massive influence upon our larger culture. This is my new favorite book about skateboarding, which isn’t really about skateboarding — it’s about everything.”

Photo via The Palomino.

Order the thing